weight loss

Ok, so since I started having kids, I have honestly gained------125 pounds!!!! I am sick about it, but I have honestly tried to lose some. It just does not come off. I have taken just about every over the counter  diet pill that there is out there. I have tried the stuff that you sprinkle on your food and it is suppose to take the weight off without exercise. Dont get me wrong, I dont mind working out, BUT I refuse to spend money (that we do not have) on a gym membership. I have 4 kids. I dont have the money. I have a Wii, with the Wii Fit Plus, and I also have the Just Dance. It is just making myself do it EVERYDAY. Even if its just a little bit. I cant seem to do it. I pray every day that today will be the day I lose weight. I hate the way I look in the mirror. I will be honest here, when I picture myself in my head, I see someone completely different than what I see when I look in the mirror, or in pictures. I am not asking to drop 100 pounds in 2 months, but when I do lose some weight, I would love to keep it OFF!!! But NOPE it comes right back, and sometimes it brings about 5 of its friends! Around my period time, I lose anywhere from 6-10 pounds, but during and after, it is right back. I did really good one month. I lost I think 9 pounds in 2 weeks or so, but blinked and it was all right back. Am I the only one that struggles this bad? Most likely not. But man do I feel so badly when I am so happy and post that I have lost for every one to see, then less than a week later I step back on the scale and it is all right back. So I sit here and think I am not just obese, I am morbidly obese according to the last dr that decided since she weighed only 95 pounds soaking wet, that every one else has to be that small too. And having the surgery to lose the weight fast is NOT AN OPTION!!!! For one, I know my insurance will not pay for it (they dont even want to pay for us to see the dr sometimes). Two, from what I have heard, they want you to try to lose weight on your own for a few weeks before they will try. (well come on now, if I could do it on my own, dont you think I would be doing it?) Three, just who is going to take care of my family while I am recovering?
So in summery, I hate trying to lose weight, but man I WOULD LOVE TO!!!! Anyone have any good ideas??