Been a very long time.

Well dang I totally forgot that I started this blog thing forever ago. So now I will add a new post...SO HERE GOES!!!

What all has happened...Well lets start off by saying this past year has been a little bit of HELL on wheels! My life kinda got turned upside down. In May, my mom passed away very suddenly. They suspect she had a heart attack. I didn't talk to my mom often, but she was always there if I needed to talk to her. We may not have always seen eye to eye but when we talked, we talked! Just 3 days before she passed I was suppose to see her. My oldest daughter graduated from high school and she was suppose to come. However she didn't make it, for several reasons. I was so upset and angry when she told me she wasn't coming! And now I am living with total regret! I hate the way I felt, the things I said, and the things I thought. But now that she isn't here there is nothing I can do! I keep saying I am sorry to her, and I pray she hears me. We may have went weeks, or months without talking and I hate myself for that, but I keep being told that the phone works both ways. And yes it does. But here I sit, completely parent less. My dad passed when I was 14 and now at 37 I have lost my mother. I know as children, we are suppose to bury our parents, but I also know we are not suppose to bury them too soon. And I feel like I buried her too soon! So as I have tried to learn how to live knowing I cant just text her or call her at the drop of a hat, I am honestly a broken woman. This is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Losing my Daddy was very hard, and I had only known him a small length of time. My mother on the other hand....well lets just say this is not something I would wish on anyone! I have got all her stuff out of her house. And it is stored....I am so not ready to go through it yet. I have started going through her pictures and scanning them into her computer. To put them on disks so that I can let my brother have a copy.

So the next thing that happened was, (actually this was before Mom passed away) My oldest daughter graduated High School. I can not believe that I have a kid that old. It breaks my heart.

My husband and I like going to tractor pulls...the day that we were suppose to go to our favorite one, my oldest son had a seizure. It was the first one he had in several years. Like 10 to be close. And this was actually the worst one. He actually shook during this one, he bit his cheek, and his tongue. My hubby is the one who seen him have this one. Its the first one hes ever seen him have. And it terrified him!!! (Needless to say, we didnt make it to the tractor pull, which is fine.)

Well when my oldest turned 18 she moved out that day. And moved in with her boyfriend. In July she got married. I am proud of her, but worry that she just did this to move out of my house. And I guess thats fine. If thats what she wanted to do. She is the one who has to live her life. Not me.

Then just 5 days after she moved out, she wrecked the car that belonged to my mother. It started out as my Nanny's car. She bought it brand new. It only had 64 miles on it. Then my 18 year old pulls out in front of someone and they hit her. She was told not to drive it because she didnt have insurance on it. And as a result, she lost her licences and has a massive fine. So what am I suppose to do???

Well now here we are several months later, and she wants to "scrap" the car because she needs money. Well I am not too happy with that idea. I want the car back. I would rather have the car in my yard collecting dirt, rather than them destroying it! And I know she needs money, but I do not feel as if I should pay her for it, then turn around and have to pay to fix it! She didnt pay a single penny for it!!!

Anyway....this is my crazy life!!!